


Little Wolf

by pinkroses95



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Established Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, F/M, Happy Ending, Happy Wolfstar, James Potter Lives, Lily Evans Potter Lives, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Remus Lupin Lives, Sirius Black Lives, baby wolfstar, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 06:33:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29024277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinkroses95/pseuds/pinkroses95
Summary: The way Lily, James, Sirius, and Remus’ lives should have been – alive and together.(Plus baby WolfStar)
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 4
Kudos: 52





	1. Chapter One.

**Author's Note:**

> Author Note – Characters ages and details have been adapted purely for fiction. Full character credits go to J.K. Rowling (though I do not agree with her transphobic views).
> 
> FYI – There is no one character POV throughout the story, I think of it as ‘Wolfstar’s POV’ flittering between both Remus and Sirius simultaneously as if they one, which they often are.

**October 1989**

“I said no” Sirius groaned, “You can fill the house with anything that you heart desires…”

Remus cut him off, the same smirking glance he had had all day, “Except a T.V.?”

“Except a T.V.” Sirius agreed, “Why do you need a bloody television anyways? They do nothing more than a photograph does – am I not interesting enough for you?”

Remus simply laughed at the man ahead of him, the man who had snatched his heart from him – not that he would not have given it over willingly – before shaking his head, “You are everything, you insecure mutt” he chuckled leaning down to give his pouting boyfriend a kiss.

The couple were currently unpacking. It had been nearly a year since Sirius had been released from Azkaban, the last year being spent with the pair both staying at the Potter’s. Remus had been living there for years, since he sold the flat originally owned by himself, Sirius and Peter – they had been living in it since leaving Hogwarts but after Sirius’ arrest, and Peter’s death, he could not step inside without collapsing in grief. James and Lily had gladly welcomed him with open arms, after finding him drunk down back alleys of the Muggle World for months on end. James had practically locked him inside their guest bedroom to keep him from turning to a bottle. Sirius had joined the household after Lily and collected him from the Ministry upon his release, allowing him to heal and learn to trust his friends again upon his return to the real world. 

Growing up Remus had felt like a guest in his house for years, his poor Muggle Mother who never understood the Wizarding World and took no effort to even try to despite having married a Wizard and giving birth to one. As well as his Father, Lyall Lupin, the man who had put his whole life into researching Magical Creatures and hunting Werewolves. It never occurred to his Father that one day the Werewolves would fight back, taking their vengeance on his five-year-old son. Remus never blamed his Father, not at all, but somehow his Father managed to blame him for what he had turned into. 

Sirius did not have it any better, of course. Growing up in an evil, Pureblood supremist household who practically worshipped the Dark Lord himself was never going to end well when their heir was anything but that. The abuse started when he was sorted into Gryffindor and continued up to the point of Sirius running to stay with the Potter’s at any available possibility. Telling his parents that he was planning on moving in with his Half-Blood, Werewolf boyfriend – believe it or not – was the last straw for the Black’s, Sirius was blasted off the family tree that same week and they had not spoken since. 

It took two months before Remus built up the courage to speak Sirius amidst his release. He had given up the Potter’s guest room upon Sirius’ return to stay on their sofa instead. It was Halloween night when Remus approached the bedroom – unable to sleep and filled with the darkest of memories of his least favourite day of the year – he knocked to find Lily, James and Harry all tucked in the bed around Sirius, none of them baring to be alone either. Remus had cautiously climbed into bed with them and although no one spoke he knew that forgiveness was possible.

Lily and Sirius had repaired their bond quickest, Lily had fought for years to get Sirius out of Azkaban. She went to every Death Eater trial – against James’ advice – to take notes and listen for any hint that would reveal that her friend was innocent. It was two weeks into the sixth year when his innocence was finally proven, the sentence spoken casually by a Death Eater being posted in newspapers all over London:

‘Just another rat, see enough of them. Dark Lord liked this one though, for a while anyway. Called him Wormtail’

Remus got drunk the night the papers were released. James had joined him, drinking until they both passed out in hope that they could drown the guilt of knowing that they had attended Peter’s funeral willingly – whose death was put down to a failure in an Order mission – but neither of them even considered attending Sirius’ trial. Not that there was even a trial to attend. It did not work but unknown to them at the time, they did not need too. Sirius wanted them back in his life, no matter how damaged their friendship had become.

Fast forward to now, Remus and Sirius finally had a place of their own – the old Black family home. Sirius had inherited the property, although he had been removed from both his Mother’s and Father’s will, after his younger brother Regulus’ death. Upon his return from Azkaban he was reminded that he had put Remus as his predecessor of his own will, something even he had forgotten doing, so although everything had been taken from him when he was imprisoned, it was given to Remus who swiftly returned it upon his return. Remus did not step foot in the house for the six years Sirius was gone, he could not bear it, and it took him two years to even tell James and Lily that he had inherited the building. Sirius had been against the idea of moving here at first, the building reminding him of nothing but bad memories of his childhood but Remus had reminded him that they had agreed to start again, letting go of the past to create a new future. Remus had promised that they could redecorate to make their place their own, never being a fan of the dark anyways. 

Remus was busy unloading yet another box of his books, the Muggle way as he worried what magic would do to the delicate bindings after they had been in storage for so long, as Sirius was sorting through another box. He was not exactly unpacking it, rather holding up random items before being distracted by something else, discarding the previous. This was one of the reasons it was day five and they were not even halfway through their unpacking.

It was when the rustling stopped behind him that Remus paused, turning his head to face Sirius behind him. Sirius was stood now, his back to Remus, as he clasped something in his hands. Remus watched as he walked over and placed whatever he was holding in the middle of their mantelpiece, Remus reminded himself they needed to connect to the Floo network. It was not until Sirius moved that a Remus let out a sigh at what Sirius had placed pride of place. It was a photo, moving in the way that all Wizarding photos did, of them both alongside James, Lily and Harry. It was the four males, Harry – a baby at the time – perched on James’ hip, for a few seconds before a whoosh of red hair was seen as Sirius pulled Lily into the photo out of frame, she came in giggling as always as Harry peered up at his Mother in joy. It was their most treasured picture.

“I think that’s my favourite thing about being a Wizard” Remus commented as he leaned his head over Sirius’ shoulder, “The pictures moving”

Sirius turned around to face him, a confused look on his face before it settled into a smile, “Out of everything magical of course you would pick the bloody moving pictures”

Remus laughed, the higher pitch laugh that was often only reserved for Sirius, “I spent years in the Muggle world, you realise it’s the little things”.

Sirius winced physically at the confession Remus had so casually sprouted. He tried not to forget that while Sirius was rotting in Azkaban, Remus had returned to the Muggle world to do some rotting of his own. It was hard to think about because for years Sirius believed that he belonged to be in Azkaban, it made the punishment easier, but he knew Remus never deserved the punishment or the pain.

It had been two weeks after they left school that they had heard the news of the Potter’s fate. It was a strange evening, one minute Severus Snape was interrupting the double date Sirius and James had planned, the next moment Auror’s were crowded around the Potter family home as James and Lily were whisked away once Peter, who had been babysitting Harry for the evening, had arrived. Severus had explained the prophecy to them, about Harry and what he was destined to do, and while no one was particular surprised that he joined the Dark Lord, they were grateful for the risk he had taken to come and find them that night, even if it was just for Lily. Snape died three weeks after that night – it felt like a warning.

No one had heard from the Potter’s for months, by the time Halloween arrived it had been three months but it felt like an eternity. Sirius struggled immensely, especially when he was the only one in the whole Order who knew where Lily and James were staying. The Secret Keeper. To know he had the ability to go and check on them but could not played on his mind constantly.

Joining the Order of the Phoenix had been an exciting proposition at the first for the Marauders. The opportunity to fight against evil being an easy option when you are fresh out of school with no clue what else to do. It was not until you witness death and grieve the lost souls of love ones that you realise how deep the curse ran – it was like that for Marauders. Marlene McKinnon was the first death that really affected the group, as cruel as it sounded. She died July 1981, it had been the last event the four, plus Lily, had been able to attend together before the Potter’s were taken into hiding. Lily did not speak for three days, every time she tried to utter a word she burst into tears. Remus was on a mission with her at the time when they heard word of Death Eater’s heading for her home, she left as soon as she heard promising Remus, she would update him as soon as her and her family were safe. Remus never heard from her again. 

Sirius did not go on many Order missions at all, his identity as a Black – fallen Black – was too obvious, too dangerous to reveal to the Dark Wizards who would recognise, and kill, him in a heartbeat. When the Potter’s went into hiding, he was given the job to keep James and Lily’s location safe and to that he often had to stay away from any source of evil, in the fear of being captured. That did not mean Remus could not go on missions though and that did not stop him. Peter went on missions too, it was rare that him and Remus got put together, meaning Sirius was often left alone. He thought he was alone when Peter, unknowingly, managed to infiltrate his brain for the secret location. He was alone the night of Halloween 1981, the night Peter had betrayed them all and aided Voldemort in his mission to kill them – a fact that would not be revealed until years later, he was alone when he was arrested, he was alone in his cell. He had to remind himself constantly that he was no longer alone.

“Darling” Sirius flinched, physically moving backwards as the voice sent him spiralling back into existence

“Sorry” he apologised when he looked up to see Remus looking down at him with a cautious look on his face, the pity he always hated to receive clear on his features.

“No” Remus shook his head as he clasped Sirius’ hand within his own, “You don’t need to apologise, just lost you for a second”

“I go back to that night a lot” he confessed and Remus nodded, not needing to ask to know what night he was talking about – Remus ended up there more often than he wanted to admit too, “Trying to move forward from Azkaban for all these years just sends me straight back to the night everything went wrong”.

Sirius had been seeing a therapist for a few months now, the Wizarding World was not exactly known for their trauma aftercare but Remus had managed to find a Muggle, who had married a Wizard and was now living in the Wizarding World, who had previously been a licenced psychologist. It was difficult as she was still learning about the Wizarding World but Sirius appreciated having someone to talk to, it helped more than he had anticipated.

“That’s expected” Remus assured him, taking a step closer and releasing a breath when Sirius leant into his touch and melted into his arms, “We’ll get through this” he promised perching his head on top of his boyfriends, “I’ll never let you be alone again”.

Sirius nodded, accepting the comfort he had spent so many years yearning for. They decided to stop unpacking, another night in a row, before they had made any substantial progress but tonight neither of them minded – they needed one another tonight. Sirius watched as Remus cooked, humming to himself as he worked his way around the kitchen the Muggle way. Between his upbringing, staying at Hogwarts and then being sent to Azkaban Sirius had no idea on how to cook, he would not even know the spell to cast. Maybe that was why he took such joy in watching Remus, who, like Lily, still enjoyed doing many daily tasks the Muggle way. 

“It’s Halloween tomorrow” Remus stated, as casually as he could manage, as he placed a plate down in front of Sirius

Sirius thanked him as he watched his boyfriend take a seat opposite him at the table, “I know”

“I was thinking – ” Remus stated, pausing to take a sip of his drink, “We should invite James and Lily around, it was bad enough last year and we were all in the same house”

“Bed” Sirius corrected with a smug smile

“Bed” Remus rolled his eyes playfully, “It’s up to you, if you want it to just be us then I won’t object, I just think it will be good for us all”.

Sirius nodded. He knew Remus was right. He had awoken in a cold, chilling sweat last year as the memories began to surface; Lily had been stood at the door of their guest bedroom when he came too. She told him she had woken suddenly in the night feeling the urge to check that Sirius was still there, her own nightmares convincing her that she would awake to him back in Azkaban. That is when Sirius had wordlessly opened up the covers for her and she crawled in next to him. James had joined them an hour later, with a very confused Harry by his side, followed by Remus. Sirius understood that night how Harry Potter became the silver lining throughout the years of agony the four had experienced. Watching him grow had giving Remus a reason to continue going and a prospect that the future may be brighter and Sirius glowed at the chance of being able to get to know his Godson.

“You’re right” Sirius agreed as he smiled fondly at the memory of feeling safe crowded around by his friends, “It will be good for us”

Sirius held up his water glass, Remus moments later mirroring his actions. Remus had stopped drinking, the last drink he had was when he drunk himself into oblivion with James. Sirius had gladly joined him in sobriety, although he doubted it would last but it was a task the pair had proudly set themselves.

“A fresh start” Sirius stated clinking their glasses together

“A fresh start” Remus smiled, “With you”.  
The next evening the four adults were sat around the living room of the Manor. Ever since they had moved in together, though the actual packing process had taken them longer than intended, the house transformation had come easier. The house being altered into a place of light and warmth and love, with no screeching portraits or unwelcome guests. A home they could call their own.

Sirius had burst into laughter when Harry had pranced into the room ahead of his parents to show the two men his costume – a grey, furry replica of a wolf, complete with ears and a tail.

“Do you like my costume Uncle Moony?” the small child beamed

Remus had elbowed Sirius discretely in hope of stopping his humour as he smiled at Harry, “I love it! Most realistic wolf I’ve ever seen”

“He would know” Sirius added lowly even cracking a smile out of Remus

“Sorry mate” James apologised sheepishly towards Remus as he walked into the room, “Can’t say no to him once he puts his mind to something”. Remus waved his hand in understanding, already had spoken to Lily earlier in the week to confirm the outfit choice was more than fine by him

Lily left out a laugh as she entered the room, “I wonder where he gets that from Mr Potter” she stated, receiving a knowing look from her husband, “Harry, sweetie, get yourself ready! I don’t want you all out too late”

Harry obeyed, promptly running out the living room door of the Manor towards the front door to grab his shoes. Remus’ felt his stomach flip as consciousness of the situation hit him like a truck. James and Lily had agreed almost immediately when Sirius had proposed the idea of spending the nights together at the Manor. James had also requested that Sirius join him in taking Harry out trick-or-treating, in hope of building the bond that all four of them wanted Sirius to grow with Harry. 

Remus had not realised that he had not moved an inch in the last few minutes before a voice interrupted his thoughts, “Are you okay?” Sirius questioned as he walked so close to Remus that the only thing he could see in his vision was the worried features of his boyfriend

Remus wanted to cry out that he was not, that he worried that Sirius would walk out the front door and never return. The nightmare that appeared whenever Remus could not see his boyfriend within six feet of himself. Sirius was eager to become a family figure to Harry, who was still slightly shy around the man. Remus understood, he had a wonderful relationship with the Potter boy and wished for nothing more than Sirius to mirror this – it, however, did not help his ever-increasing anxiety.

“Of course” Remus told him, lowering his voice into a soft whisper as he added, “Just come home to me”

Sirius’ face dropped in realisation before he nodded, “I’ll be gone less than a couple of hours, I promise”.

Remus kept the look of Harry, all wrapped up and beaming in excitement, at the forefront of his mind when they left to go trick-or-treating. He reminded himself that this was for Harry, for Sirius and that they would all return in one piece. It did not stop the shakes. It did not stop Lily noticing his immediate change in persona, her muttering she would put the kettle on as if that would save the day – for any fine Englishman it probably would have – as Remus forced himself to sit down on the sofa and at least attempt to stop his knees from shaking.

It was a couple of moments later that the red head re-entered the room clutching two mugs of tea. She had always been a motherly figure, more to Sirius than anyone else, but since having Harry her loving warmth had increased and could be felt at every inch of her existence. 

Remus sighed, thanking Lily for the cup of tea she placed into his hands, “I am just a constant mass of worry, I can’t help but think it is never going to go away – you know?” he spluttered as soon as she asked him what was wrong, placing her free hand on his forearm in comfort

“Of course” Lily agreed before taking a breath of her own, “I still have certain days when I wake up and will not let Harry out of my sight or panic if James leaves the room for too long. In the worst moments I think I’m going to go upstairs to find him dead on the stairwell” 

“I can’t say I’m surprised” Remus confessed, “Selfishly it does reassure me to know I’m not the only one who needs constant eyes on their partner at all times to feel an inch of content” 

“I know it should but I also understand why it does not change anything” Lily continued, “But we have to remind ourselves that the dark part of our lives is over. Voldemort is dead and we can live, don’t you think we deserve that after everything?”

It was exactly one hour, forty-three minutes and approximately seventeen seconds that James, Sirius and Harry were gone for – not that Remus was counting – until the familiar sound of the lock echoed down the hallway. Remus tried to keep as casual as possible when he heard Harry come racing into the living room, eager to show his Mother the sweets he had collected throughout the evening and he felt comfort at her squeal at her child’s delight and the faint sound of James and Sirius joking in the hallway. It felt like everything he had wished for in so many of his darkest moments.

He did not have to wait long, James announced that he was going to make tea – a hot chocolate for Harry and then another for Remus when he read Remus’ expression – as he and Sirius entered the living room. Remus smiled warmly at his boyfriend, his expression softening into delight when Sirius moved forward and tucked himself into Remus’ arms, the heat of his breath reminding Remus that he was safe and alive and back with him.

“Missed you” Sirius murmured quietly, his lips feeling as if they had never had the desire to be anywhere else against Remus’ neck. Remus tightened his arms, whispering affirmations of his own into Sirius’ hair.

It was hours later, when the fire had stolen any flicker left of the outside world and the taste of hot chocolate was a distant memory on their lips, that Sirius stood and announced he had something he needed to say. He disappeared for a moment, James shooting Remus a look he did not quite understand before he returned clutching a bottle of Fire Whiskey. A frown formed on Lily’s featured from the other side of the room, reminding Sirius that he had stopped drinking alongside Remus. Sirius thanked her for her concern but assured her, and the others, that one Fire Whiskey would not hurt them and that the reason he was doing it for was a good enough reason for them to break their pact.

“I want us to toast to something” Sirius began flicking his eyes in a swift motion between James and Remus, “Or someone I should say”

As if James could read his mind – something Lily and Remus were still sure to this day the two had the ability of doing – his eyes shadowed over in an ever-growing rage as his fists clenched beneath him, “You have to be fucking joking me –”

“James!” Lily gasped from where she was sat on the sofa watching her son count his sweets on the carpet below her, “Harry, language, please!”

“M’sorry” he replied swiftly, “But you cannot be serious, you want to toast the man who put you into prison? Who plotted to kill my wife and child?”

“No” Sirius denied, sighing as he turned to Remus in some hope of back up. His boyfriend shrugged, he did not understand why they would do that either, “I want to toast to the boy we grew up with”

James turned to Remus, as if he knew all the answers, before switching his attention back to Sirius, “Have you lost your nut?”

“I’m tired of hating him. I spent six years in Azkaban questioning why this was happening to me and I’ve spent every waking minute since getting out learning to forgive the past” he screwed his eyes tightly, rubbing his hands on them harshly before Remus leaned forward to pull at his wrists. He blinked a few times to regain his sight before he sighed, “I’m tired of being back in that cell every time I close my eyes, I’m tired of Remus having a breakdown every time I want to leave the house –“

“Sirius” Lily sighed softly. He was pacing the room now.

“Lily does not let Harry out of her sight!” he stated, flaying his hands towards his friend, “And you, Prongs mate, every time you look at me all I see is guilt, as if you were the one who sent me to Azkaban. I want to live my life, I want us to move on from this and we cannot move on until we forgive the past”

Sirius turned his attention to his boyfriend, who was looking up at him with the same tear-stained eyes he hated admitting he had become accustom to, “Does it happen every time you close your eyes?”

He sighed, reaching out to cup Remus’ face in the palm of his hand and rubbing his cheek bone in comfort, “Having you there reminds me I’m not”. He smiled as Remus nodded. He almost hated how much Remus loved him, loving him only seemed to cause him pain. He could not help it, he would never turn him away again. He would not survive.

It was Lily who moved first, kissing Harry quickly on his hairline as she made her way towards the table. In silence she filled up each of the four glasses with Fire Whiskey, pushing them out amongst the boys. James was sat to her right, Remus to her left with a standing Sirius between them. 

She took a deep, shaky breath as she laced her free hand with James, “To Peter” she spoke raising up her glass of Fire Whiskey, “To moving on with the rest of our lives”

“To Peter” Remus and Sirius agreed softly, Remus lifting his arm to tap their glasses together

James hesitated for a moment, the betrayal had always been a harder hit on him, for obvious reasons, but after a minute or so he held up his glass, “To Wormtail” he sighed, “Not a day goes by when I don’t think about what could have been mate”.

It was hours later that they decided to retreat up to their bedrooms, James and Lily in one of the many spare rooms the house had and Harry in his own. It felt right that Sirius’ Godson had a space to call his own in their home, the little boy grinning and barrelling towards Remus to bid his ‘Uncle Mooney’ goodnight. Harry and Sirius had been making good progress too, the boy even briefly wrapping his arms around the older man before leading his Father up the stairs. Sirius could not contain his own grin.

“How was Harry this evening?” Remus asked Sirius as he entered their room later that evening. With everything that had occurred this evening, and how relieved he felt to have Sirius back in his company, Remus had forgotten to ask his boyfriend how trick-or-treating was. Now it was just the two of them, Harry had gone to bed hours ago and by the silence of the house it seemed that his parents had also crept into unconsciousness, Remus found himself wanting to know every detail of Sirius’ evening, he was his favourite topic after all.

“Perfect” Sirius confessed as he made his way into the bedroom from their bathroom, stripping off articles of clothing as he did to get himself ready for bed, “They’ve raised an amazing kid”

“He is pretty amazing, isn’t he?” Remus agreed, peeking his eyes over his book to get an eyeful of his boyfriend half-naked as he was searching through his draws for clean clothes, just because he could.

It was not until Sirius was fully dressed again that he took a deep breath and spun to face Remus, “I actually wanted to speak to you about something, something I want – “

“Yes”

Sirius laughed as he flopped himself into bed next to his boyfriend, “You have no idea what I’m about to say”

“I’d give you the world” Remus told him and he meant it, “I want forever with you”

Sirius rolled over to face him, a cheesy grin laid on his features as she stared at his partner in wonder. The words that came out of his mouth next shocked Remus to the core, making him sit up in a splutter. It took him a few minutes to realise that Sirius was _serious_ and hours after that to realise that was what he wanted too, with Sirius.

_“I want a baby with you”._


	2. Chapter Two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author Note – This is where the character ages are altered slightly, Andromeda is older than Sirius by a few more years that what is canon. This is to make Nymphadora's age closer to Sirius and the others rather than Andromeda's (hope this makes sense).

_Late 1989, Early 1990_

Christmas came and went as quickly as it did every year. Since Sirius had returned from Azkaban and began to heal from the torment that had occurred there, James and Lily had made it their lifelong mission to amend everything he had missed by celebrating life, the smallest and largest parts, to the highest potential. Remus had done this in the first few months of Sirius’ release, attempting to make everyday as bright and wonderful as Sirius deserved but he was damaged also and not being able to admit his own sadness was exhausting. Sirius knew this from the first time he witnessed his face crumble and assured him that him being there, with him, was enough for his days to be bright and wonderful again.

Christmas was spent at the Lupin-Black household with James, Lily and Harry as well as Sirius’ cousin Andromeda and her daughter Nymphadora, or Dora as she was more likely to be called. Andromeda and Nymphadora were the last blood relatives alive that Sirius had considered family, Andromeda had also been extremely supportive and helpful for Lily when she was fighting for Sirius’ innocence, something none of them had forgotten and Sirius had been the one who had helped Andromeda escape their family grasps all those years ago when she fell unexpectantly pregnant. Although James’ parents had died long before Harry was born and Lily’s parents, although proud of their daughter, had never quite adjusted to her magic and constant need to disappear the Potter’s felt more surrounded by family than they would have been in any other situation. 

The celebrations had run far into the New Year, with no one having anywhere they needed to hurry back too, and the house being big enough to accompany them all. It was a few days after New Years that Sirius and Remus decided to announce their news, or plans at this moment, to their closest friends they considered family. It was mid evening, Harry was pre-occupied in the middle of the living room floor with one of his Christmas presents whilst the adults were full of wine and cheese and lounging around the sofa. Lily was sat at the corner, James’ head in her lap as he laid sprawled along the rest of it. Andromeda was on the floor with Harry, interested in whatever he was telling her whilst Nymphadora had taken seat on the armchair in the corner of the room. Sirius had been at the other end of the sofa, with James’ feet comfortably in his lap, until Remus entered from the kitchen clutching a tray or tea and hot chocolate, giving Sirius a look to tell him now was a good time.

Sirius almost jumped from the sofa, James groaning at the abrupt exit, as he helped Remus hand out the correct cups to their guests, spinning dramatically to face them all, “Moony and I have some news we’d like you share with you”

James sat up abruptly – nearly knocking heads with Lily in the process – “You’re getting married?” he blurted out, his eyes jumping from each of the men’s hands in search for a ring

“No” Remus dismissed with a small smile, leaning down to hand Harry a small cup of hot chocolate and making sure he had it securely. Same sex marriage was illegal in the Muggle World and though being gay was often viewed as confusing in the Wizarding World – where the outdated view that the whole point of a relationship was to continue a magical bloodline – the pair could marry here if they wished. However, they did not. They had spoken of it, both before and after Sirius’ time in Azkaban, and decided it was not for them; for now anyways.

“We’ve decided –“ Sirius stated, reaching out to take Remus’ hand, “Well – what it is, you see – we have this –”

“Spit it out Sirius” Nymphadora piped from behind them with a chuckle

Remus smiled, stroking a thumb briefly over the back of Sirius’ hand, before he announced, “We want to have a baby, of our own”

James shot them both a look, “Don’t think the autonomy adds up for that lads”

Lily sighed next to him, whacking him softly over the head with a cushion before she looked up at her best friends in wonder, “You’re serious?”

Sirius shrugged, “I am, he’s not”

“Pads!” Remus cried out, half in frustration, half in humour

“Sorry” Sirius laughed, “Yes, one hundred percent. To start a family of our own, this is what we both want”

“How will you do it?” Andromeda questioned, now distracted from Harry and her full attention falling on Sirius and Remus in praise

“We thought adoption at first” Sirius admitted, “But we highly doubted anyone would freely hand a child over to a convicted felon and a Werewolf”

“Falsely convicted” Remus corrected with a squeeze of his hand, “He’s right though so we thought about surrogacy? It’s an upcoming thing in the Muggle World I’ve heard, will probably take us a couple of years to find someone and sort the details but we wanted you all involved in the journey nevertheless”.

The room was enveloped into silence once the revelation had been revealed, everyone needed a moment or so to take in the news. Sirius and Remus, although both wonderful with Harry, had never given anyone the impression that they wanted a child of their own so soon. It was Lily who came back to reality first, a huge grin filling her features as she jumped off of the sofa.

“Oh my boys!” she called out in a weep, tears already trickling down her face as she leapt up into Remus’ arms. James followed suit, pulling Sirius into a hug as Andromeda rose to her feet in delight to join them all. The only person in the room who was quiet was Nymphadora. She smiled softly and congratulated them alongside the others but she did not seem to share the same joy that their family did. Remus did not notice, too consumed with Lily attacking him with hugs, but Sirius did detect her sudden shift in demeanour. He did not expect her to be crying out with happiness but she had always been so accepting of the pair, it was almost like waiting for the ball to drop. 

It was not until later on, when James and Lily had taken Harry to bed and Andromeda had gone upstairs for a bath, that Nymphadora approached them both. Remus was collecting the empty mugs off of the ground while Sirius was locking the front door of the house. She asked Sirius at first if she could speak to them both, a nervousness in her tone, and when he agreed and grabbed Remus, he made them all a cup of tea before leading them to the small drawing room at the end of the house. Remus and Sirius had intended on making it a study, Remus had plans of writing a book eventually but had not yet gotten round to it, much like the room decoration itself.

The minute she blurted out the words Remus was replying back with his own words of refusal. They had barely sat down, Sirius’ tea was still clasp in his hand, and already so much was going on. Words back and forth between the two, barely a breath between them, as they argued about their future – Sirius and Remus’ future.

“I want to be your surrogate” 

“You’re barely twenty-two” Remus reminded her, “Why would you want to put yourself through something like this?”

Sirius watched as she simply rolled her eyes, the brightness that had been lost this evening suddenly returning to her features now the request was out in the open. She reminded him so much of what Andromeda was like when they were young, full of life and spirit. “You do know how to be dramatic, I thought that was his job?” she stated, perking at her head at Sirius, “It will take you years to find someone, not to be harsh but you’re not the most favourable candidates. I’m here, ready, we’re family, aren’t we?”

Remus turned his eyes to face Sirius, for aid, who only just then realised he had been silent throughout the whole exchange, “Dora, I don’t think you’ve thought this through” Sirius sighed, “What if you want to have your own children one day?”

She huffed, “Womb can be used more than once you know”

Sirius would be lying if he said having Nymphadora as their surrogate would not be a perfect outcome. The mixture of DNA would make the baby ultimately a Black and Lupin both by blood, not that mattered to either of them but it was a plus that the arrangement would bring. He had not allowed himself to admit it but he did not want a stranger carrying their baby, housing the child for them away from the grasps of Remus and him. There was still a lot of damage between them that the everyday person may not understand.  
“Mum would tell me about you growing up, you know?” she explained looking straight at Sirius as if she knew his resolve was breaking, “She talked about you all the time, the famous Sirius Black who followed her footsteps in going against everything bad. She’d understand this, you know she would support it”

Andromeda had told Nymphadora stories as a young child about her brave cousin Sirius Black who went against everything his family had believed in just as she had years before. She had always been incredibly proud of the man she had never met, viewing him as the leading hero in all her bedtime stories. It seemed silly now that she knew him but the admiration never disappeared if anything it grew. Sirius knew his cousin would support them, she would support any decision her daughter made, that was the type of person Andromeda was. It was the trait that Sirius had been so drawn to throughout his younger year, that made him believe that he was not bound to the social constructs of his birth family.

“Dad always told me that becoming a Father was the happiest day of his life” she continued, “You deserve happiness, both of you, let me do this for you”.

Ted Tonks, Nymphadora’s Father, died amidst the First Wizarding War, around the same time that James and Lily went into hiding. Muggle-borns were targeted from the beginning but with Ted being a Muggle-born who had brought great shame upon a heavily Pureblood family – who supported Voldemort with every ounce of their being – he was bumped to the top of the list. He was caught by Death Eater’s when he was on the run, slaughtered and returned to Andromeda’s doorstep three weeks later, his skin rotten and eyes bleeding. Andromeda does not talk about it much, not that anyone blamed her. 

It was then that Sirius caught eye contact with Remus, who unknown to him to this point, was also questioning his original choice of the matter. As if the two were bound into one soul they immediately knew how the other was feeling almost at all times and this was no different. It was Remus who spoke, with a small sigh and a smile, “Okay, let’s talk about this”.

By the time Sirius and Remus descended the stairs the next afternoon Nymphadora had already filled the others in on the plan. The three of them had stayed up until the early hours of the morning going through every precaution and risk, Nymphadora simply nodding with a smile throughout it all continuing to insist that she was fully on board with her commitment. There was so much to discuss but she had simply flashed them another smile, as if it was the easiest thing in the world, answering every question they threw at her with grace.

How involved did she want to be? She’d like a cuddle every so often but she wasn’t changing any nappies 

What was she be to the baby? The cool Aunt who took her shopping using their money

Was she ready for her body to go through the changes of pregnancy? She was young, her body would bounce back.

The pair had slept into the early afternoon due to the sleeping schedule but the delight on Andromeda’s face reminded them instantly of Nymphadora’s request that she was the one who told her Mother. Though Sirius and Remus both believed that she was in this one hundred percent but it still did not feel real. 

Once again, the pair was congratulated in a way which would make you think that they had the baby in their arms but they took the praise, nevertheless. Andromeda informed them that she knew of magical fidelity well, a process her Mother had actually gone through when she struggled to conceive Bellatrix and requested that she would be the one who performed the spell on her daughter, something the three were more than happy to oblige. 

Andromeda, though she assumed it would be Remus, still managed to find the joke her daughter had made about who would be used in the spell, laughing when Nymphadora nudged Sirius “Better not continue the incest, eh?” 

Remus burst into laughter as Sirius mocked them both before adding, “Let’s end this fucking bloodline”.

The thing about James and Sirius was that they could always tell when the other was not quite right; feeling ill, feeling worried, feeling scared – they knew. It was something that, thankfully, they had not lost even when Sirius was away. That was why he was not surprised when James told Sirius that he had made him some food and it was waiting on the table for him. 

“You sure you want this mate?” James had questioned Sirius that afternoon over Sirius’ ‘breakfast’. James had joined him in the kitchen as Remus accompanied Lily on a walk with Harry, probably to have the exact same conversation. Since Halloween’s scare Sirius and Remus had been working on spending time apart, it was little and not often but knowing that neither of them would break down when they could not see the other one made them stronger, if possible.

“Prongs, what are you on about?” Sirius questioned over a mouthful of scrambled eggs, “I was the one who suggested the baby, this is my dream”

“I know that Pads” James sighed, “Just feel like it my job to make sure you’re alright, did it for me didn’t you?”

Sirius chuckled at the memory years ago of James turning up to his, Remus and Peter’s flat in distress demanding they all went to the pub immediately. None of them objected and after four pints and two Fire Whiskey’s James spluttered out that Lily was pregnant. James had just turned twenty at the time but it did not stop Remus from bursting into out rage at his friend for leaving his girlfriend alone inside their own flat. He left the three to go and check on her and it left Sirius and Peter to sober James back before returning him home to face his fears. It felt like a lifetime ago now and Sirius missed the times when that was their biggest problem in life. 

“I admit, Dora doing it felt a bit strange at first, Re was completely against it” he confessed once the memory had passed, “But she made us understand, it wasn’t about convincing just hearing her side. It’s happening quicker than we ever expected but we want this, Merlin Prongs I want this so bad”

James smiled at his best friend, wrapping a comforting arm around his shoulder, “You’ll have it then mate, you both will”.

*** 

It was not until the end of January that Remus woke up in anguish. It was the day of the Full Moon but it was also the day Andromeda had told them they needed to perform the ritual. The spell needed energy from the male to act and by coincidence Remus had the most pent up, frustrated energy – stemmed by the wolf waiting to be released – the day of the Full Moon. The awaited few weeks in between the original decision and ritual itself was a welcomed grace, it did not only give Andromeda the time she needed to perfect the ritual but also both Sirius and Remus the opportunity to adapt to the prospect of becoming parents. Nymphadora insisted that she did not need the time to re consider her decision but the weeks that followed, with no inch of regret in her character, assured Sirius and Remus that she did want this as much as they did.

Magical surrogacy, as you can imagine, was much simpler than Muggle surrogacy. Much like a contraceptive charm, one spell at her daughter’s stomach was all it took for Andromeda to adhere Nymphadora and Remus together in an old-style ritual. The ritual completely wiped Nymphadora out, Sirius’ quick reflexes allowing him to catch the woman before she fell to the floor. Andromeda assured Remus and Sirius it was completely normal for this to occur, though there was a tone in her voice she could not dispel. Nevertheless, she requested Sirius put Nymphadora to bed and then continued to prepare for the Full Moon.

Due to the ritual taking longer than anticipated, there was only a few hours of freedom before the darkness begun to encapsulate them as the moon rose higher into the night sky. Remus was restless by the time Lily and James arrived muttering a few words in greeting as James and Sirius exchanged looks – Remus was best left alone in these hours.

“Be careful” Lily requested as they all gathered round the back door of the house. She had been in the know about Remus since she was fifteen so now, over ten years later, she did not make a fuss of the one night a month they all dreaded. It helped Remus more than he would ever announce, making him feel a bit more normal in a time he felt nothing less than a monster. 

“Always are dear” James replied kissing her softly on her forehead

She shoved him playfully, “Darling, I believe you’re the deer in this situation”.

Like every Full Moon he had ever experienced, Remus did not remember any of the night’s events. One moment he was stood in the middle of the woods, the next he was awaking in a dull pain as he listened to the reassuring words of his boyfriend that they had made it through, that everything was okay. Remus often forgot how he managed to survive all those years without Sirius by his side, James did his part – something that Remus would never be able to re-pay him for – but the Wolf craved Padfoot as much as Remus craved Sirius, them being able to transform together again had brought the life back into his soul in a way he had never thought was possible.

They made it back to the house just after dawn, swinging the back door open as quietly as they could while they all stumbled into the house together in their current state. In slight surprise, they were met with both Andromeda and Lily stood at the doorway on their arrival, even James looking shocked at seeing his wife this early. The normal procedure post-moon was to collapse into bed, sleep for a few hours – a few days for Remus – and wake up to Lily cooking them a full English. It worked.

“What’s happened?” Remus questioned. His eyes were exhausted, the scars of his face blotchy as they always were after the transformation. He was hitched between James and Sirius, an arm thrown over each of their shoulders to keep him up right. Between the transformation and the ritual, he was absolutely exhausted and could not wait to sleep for days.

Lily took a step towards them, placing her hands on Remus’ face in comfort with a soft smile as Andromeda also stepped closer to them.

“The ritual –“ Andromeda began, “It worked”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all. I know these first few chapters may feel slightly rushed but these are just general background (in more of a reflective style rather than happening minute by minute). As the story progresses it will hopefully make sense but for now, I hope you are enjoying. Feel free to comments anything below, comments are a writer’s bliss!


	3. Chapter Three.

Sirius felt the weight of the world on his shoulders disappear from the simple clink of the glasses together. It would build again throughout the year, the guilt he still did not know why he held would attempt to swallow him up again but he refused to let it. He had a life to live, a life of innocence that would soon begin all over again. Nymphadora was closing in on the end of her pregnancy, Andromeda guessing that the little one would be here by mid-November. For the most part her pregnancy had been good, dare Sirius even say easy. Her bump had always been on the smaller side but over the last month or two she had begun to balloon slightly on the sides.

Both Sirius and Remus were more than excited, and prepared, for the baby to arrive. Remus had poured most of his attention in crafting a nursery for the little one, perfecting it every spare moment. Sirius, whilst interested, much rather spend his time watching his boyfriend put together flat pack furniture – again the Muggle way as he could not trust magic for this task – and decorate the nursery.

It was the evening of Halloween, Nymphadora had been staying with Sirius and Remus for the last three weeks and Andromeda had moved in temporarily soon after. The pair felt blessed that their surrogate understood why they both required eyes on her at every waking moment, especially as it led closer to the end. On tradition James and Lily had also arrived for the weekend, Harry tucked up in his own bedroom upstairs, as the adults toasted their glasses in memory. 

“Lily darling!” Andromeda sighed in delight as she walked into the living room, a flush present on her cheeks, “Thank Godric you’re here, could I borrow you?”

Lily nodded with a smile, pushing her empty glass towards the middle of the table before pushing her chair back behind her, “Is everything okay?”

“Can you not hear her swearing?” Andromeda replied with a chuckle, “Dora’s gone into labour!”

It was as if the weight of the world, his world, crammed itself back on his shoulders. If Sirius were not already sitting, he was positive he would collapse but when his head shot up to look at Remus across the table everything seemed to fall into place. Remus always had the ability to remind him that life was worth living, even by the smallest alterations of his facial expressions. His boyfriend did not look worried, no, he sat there with the largest grin on his face that brought Sirius back to the day they first met, back when they were children and everything was laughter and happiness – he could not wait to feel that again.

“Is there anything we can do?” Remus questioned and Sirius heard the slight nerves in his tone that his smile did not give away

Sirius was not as good at hiding his emotions, he spun his head to face his cousin in distress, “She needs to go to hospital or someone needs to come –“

“I am more than capable of delivering a baby, I was there when Reggie was born” Andromeda pointed out, “I just need a hand and for you both to stay down here. James, make sure they don’t move”

Lily, as calm and collected as she always was, squeezed Sirius lightly on the shoulder before following Andromeda up the stairs towards Nymphadora. Remus’ legs had begun to rattle underneath the table as the situation at hand became real. The screech of his own chair raking against the floor echoed around the room as he stood muttering something about putting the kettle on before he retreated into the kitchen.

“She’s early” Sirius stated, his hands shaking against the table, “She shouldn’t be in labour yet”

“Only by a few weeks” James assured him, “Harry was early too, it’s completely normal”.

Sirius nodded, being in the mere presence of James being more reassuring than he ever believed it would be. It did not stop the flashbacks to Lily’s labour though, which in itself was awful and far too long. Harry was born too slowly, kept getting stuck, and even with magic her screams of him tearing his way out of her still nestled themselves deep in Sirius’ brain as he attempted to calm down a frantic James and stop him from breaking the door down to get to her. It was one of the reasons Sirius suspected they only had one child.

“I feel useless” Remus announced as he re-entered the room carrying three mugs of tea, “I hate just standing here waiting around, it was worse enough when Harry was born but now it’s our I –“

Sirius looked up as Remus trailed off being met yet again with the beaming smile of his boyfriend. He huffed, “Am I the only one who feels like the world is going to end?” he sighed, “I literally feel sick in anxiety”

“Pads, it’s completely normal to feel like that” James assured him once again, “She’s having your baby –“

“Our baby” Remus interrupted, the huge grin still settled on his features before he connected his sight with that of Sirius, “Fucking hell Sirius, we’re having a baby”.

Sirius took a minute to remind himself to breath before he took a look at Remus. He looked like he did when he was young, before the misery of the world stole his light. Sirius had worked so hard to relight that fire behind Remus’ eyes and in that moment, he watched as they glow a whole new illumination. He always knew from the moment he met Remus he would tell his children about him one day, about the man who changed his whole perspective of his world, what he did not expect is for his children to become theirs.

And just like that peace was restored. The world was not going to end, it was just beginning.

***

It was hours later, just before midnight, that the three men found themselves still in the living room of 12 Grimmauld Place. James had kept to his promise well, threatening to hex either male when they made even an attempt towards the stairs. Just as Sirius was about to release another sign of impatience, and worry, the happiest sound rang through their home, that somehow managed to make everything make sense; why he gone through the betrayal and all the suffering and why he had felt so alone all those years – it was to meet this moment.

A cry.

James’ features settled into a soft smile, a flush of warmth taking over his face as he let out a breath he had not been aware he was holding. His job was done. Sirius and Remus, clutched together, pulled James into the over busting love that filled the room. He allowed himself a few moment in the arms of his best friends before James pushed them in the direction of the stairs, telling them to go and meet their chid.

The two had just made it to the top of the stairs as Lily came out of the room to their left “Let us in Evans before I disintegrate” Sirius requested

They both watched as a beam lit up on her face, as she pulled the pair into her, “Andi’s just sorting them out then they’ll be out” Lily informed them both, “She’s so beautiful”

“She?”

“Oh shit” Lily cursed, a hand placing itself over her exhausted features, “I wanted it to come out better than that but yes, a girl, 7lbs 3oz, She’s absolutely perfect”.

A girl. Sirius sent Remus a look of joy, the same tearful expression lacing his features. All the pair had ever wished for was a healthy baby but Sirius would be lying if he said he was not overjoyed by the prospect of having his own little girl. However, neither of them had long to dwell on their excitement as the door in front of them re-opened and Andromeda emerged, a white blanket with a baby held close to her chest. She was smiling, tears overflowing down her face; all four of them felt like a puddle of happiness.

“Where’s Dora?” Sirius questioned not taking his eyes off of the bundle of joy Andromeda held to her chest

“Resting” his cousin smiled, “Still a lot to be done but I couldn’t bear to keep you apart any longer”

“Tell her I’ll be in her debt for the rest of my life” Sirius told Andromeda and he meant it

Andromeda rolled her eyes, the lack of sentiment in certain situations being something both her and her daughter had inherited from the Black family, “She’d tell you to piss off” she laughed, “Now, which Dad is first? Gotta get back to my baby”

Remus turned to face Sirius, neither of them had spoken about this. Sirius smiled, shaking his head as he held up his equally shaky hands, “I’m in no fit state yet, I’ma need a bit”

Andromeda beamed in understanding, taking a step towards Remus to place the child in his own waiting arms, “Come here Lupin”

Remus had never felt a love like it, he could not explain it. He stared down at his daughter in his arms and suddenly years flashed ahead of him – raising her, watching her grown, loving her in a way that Sirius nor Remus had ever felt by their own parents. Remus had always had a negative outlook on life, a half glass full type, but Sirius made him want to enjoy life, to hope that he would someday be something good. Hope of being good had seemed impossible to Remus for most of his life, all from the agony of the monster that lay inside him to the constant battle of guilt that ate away at him whenever he saw a mark on Sirius – mental or physical he knew the difference – but how impossible could it be to hope, when hope was now bundled in his hold. She was worth being something good for.

It took Sirius, stood closely to his partner, a moment to jolt at the appearance of his child, “She looks –“

“I know” Lily whispered in joy as she flickered her eyes between Sirius and the child, “I hadn’t thought it would be possible but it looks like she stolen every Black trait that Dora never inherited”

Beneath them, bundled up in a wrapped blanket in Remus’ arms, lay their daughter. A full head of black hair laid on her head with a nose structure and lip curved that mirrored those of Remus. Her skin tone matched Remus also, pale and blotched with the same freckles that littered Remus’ body. It was not until her eyes blinked open slowly, only for a moment, that the three gasped as the grey eyes they had associated with Sirius for so long blinked back up at them. She was the perfect combination of the two of them.

***

“She’s perfect” Sirius stated. He was holding his daughter now, in the back room of the first floor that they had intended as her nursery. It would be a long time before they could let her in here, wanting to keep her as close to them as they possibly could. Remus was sat next to him, his finger grasp in his sleeping child’s small hand. He wore the same tearful smile as his boyfriend, “Never thought I could love anything more than you” Sirius added in wonder

“Did not think it was possible but I think I’ve fallen in love with you all over again” Remus replied as he perked a kiss on Sirius’ forehead. They were both still in a constant awe of the night events, “You know, when her eyes are closed, she looks like –”

“Harry” Sirius interrupted thinking the exact same thing, “She looks like Harry as a baby”

“Strange” Remus chuckled lightly, “I remember sat next to Lily much like this, Harry holding my finger, when Harry was born saying how he looked exactly like James”.

Remus remembered the moment well, all those years ago, when he felt like his heart could burst at the thought of being an uncle to his best friends’ son. At that moment in the time, having his own child was not even something he had considered a possibility. 

“Only when he had his eyes shut” Sirius added before they exchanged a look, “Don’t tell James, he’d never let us live it down”

Remus laughed, “Can you imagine? _Lads, you’ve given birth to me!”_

A moment of silence swept over them as they watch their child before Remus lifted his head to look at his boyfriend, “You okay?” he questioned, no judgment or concealment in his approach. This was the best day of their lives, would be the rest of their lives, but that did not mean Sirius could not feel other feelings other than happiness. It was something that Sirius loved so dearly about his partner, not only could he read him like a book but he allowed him to express so much of what he was raised to keep to himself.

“Feel like I’m gonna wake any minute” Sirius confessed with a sigh, hating himself for feeling this way, “Back in that cell, all alone”

Remus wrapped his arm tightly around the back of his lover before he nuzzled his head into Sirius’ neck, “This is real. I promise you” he told him, “You deserve happiness after all that you struggled” 

“You were alone too” Sirius reminded him. He knew that Remus had always felt guilty, James too, for abandoning him when he went to Azkaban. Sirius was angry for a long time, the feeling of abandonment completely taking over his body when he was left with no happy memories to replace the hurt but he eventually understood that his friends were also feeling betrayal. He did not want Remus to feel bad about the situation anymore, especially when he spent so many years of his own alone thinking that the love of his life was a spy, “We deserve this together”

Remus sighed in bliss, his head now comfortably situated on Sirius’ shoulder. His daughter’s hand was still wrapped tightly around his forefinger, “I know you said you didn’t want too but it isn’t too late to change your mind” he spoke as he watched her take small breaths below them, “Double barrel names are quite the hit you know?” he added

“No” Sirius rejected almost immediately tensing up at the suggestion, just as he had done whenever Remus had brought it up before, “I don’t want her to do with any part of that house. She’s too perfect. That house stands for everything I despise and everything our darling girl is not” he huffed out in response. Remus nodded. Sirius had never explained why he did not want her to have the ‘Black’ name before, he understood now. “Besides, she looks like Andromeda. She’ll know where she comes from, the good parts”

“As much as I love it being just us three, her families downstairs probably desperate to meet her” Remus smiled, “I’d also love for her name to become hers”

Sirius chuckled, tears still flowing down his cheeks in joy, “Shall we go and tell her?” 

“She’s going to cry” Remus pointed out

“Payback for when she asked me to be Godfather” Sirius responded, “Sobbed for days, bloody Potters.”

The pair, very carefully, gathered their daughter up in Sirius’ arms and made their way downstairs. James and Lily were sat together, both holding cups of tears, and chattered quietly with huge smiles on their faces. James noticed them stood at the doorway first, nudging Lily slightly who met their features with a smile.

Remus edged Sirius into the room, his hand comfortably set on the bottom of his back, “We wanted you both to meet someone”.

James did not hide his shock when Sirius made a beeline for his wife, placing their daughter comfortably in her arms. She was surprised also, expecting Sirius to give his daughter to not only his best friend but also the Godfather of his child. Choosing Godparents had been an easy choice for the men, James was a given – neither even needed to discuss the prospect – and Andromeda came closely after, suggested by Remus. Nymphadora had already claimed her job of the ‘cool aunt’ and when Andromeda told them both she wanted to also be involved but would try not to treat their child like a grandchild, the request made sense. It was not until the next words spoken sunk in that they both understood. Sirius and Remus had known for months that this is what they wanted to name their child, if she was a daughter, but wanted to keep it a secret until she arrived just in case. It was difficult, when they had asked James and Andromeda to be Godparents for their daughter and not be able to tell Lily of how they wanted her incorporated in her life.

Remus smiled, “Lily, meet Liliana”

Once the realism set in, and she burst into tears, Lily raised her head to look at her two best friends, “Liliana?” she questioned, “But that’s my – I don’t understand” she cried as she stared at the beautiful form of life in her arms

“It was an easy decision” Remus shrugged as he pulled Sirius into his arms, missing his contact, as if naming his daughter after one his best friends was a day-to-day thing, “You were there for me at a time when no one else was, when we were young and I was so scared of what I was. You made me realise that I’m not just a Werewolf, that there’s so much more to me than the odd Full Moon”

“And you believed in me when no one else did” Sirius added, James and Remus exchanged ashamed looks at this which Sirius batted away immediately. “There’s no grudge but Lily, you fought for my freedom even when you weren’t sure if I was innocent”

“I always knew” Lily replied looking up at the pair red eyes and puffy faced, “And it still took me six years”.

Lily had always hated herself for how long it had taken to proven that Sirius was innocent, even if the lack of sleep and increase of stress drove her to be ill. She could not let herself settle, while Sirius was stuck in the cell in Azkaban, she got to live her life. When Sirius was released, he knew that one of his friends must have been behind it, but he was more than surprised when he was met by Lily herself at the Ministry, ready to take him home. 

He saw her in a whole different light from then.

“Could have been in there double that time” Sirius replied knowing how hard she had worked, what she had been through and the mental scars she now has to allow him to see the light of day, “And for that and so many other reasons, we couldn’t think of anyone else we would rather name our daughter after”

“As long as it’s okay with you?” Remus asked 

“Oh God” she cried. James had joined her now, perked on the end of the arm charm she was sat in, as he looked down at his Goddaughter in wonder, “Of course it is, I would be honoured”

Remus smiled as he stared at their daughter in Lily’s arms. 

“Liliana Leonis Lupin” Sirius smiled, “The triple ‘L’ was not planned but I love it even more every minute”

James chuckled, a splutter of his own tears escaping, “She’s going to hate that tongue twister one day”

Remus shrugged, his head now perked on top of Sirius’ as they stood in the middle of the living room, “No fun if you love your name, neither of us did”

A creak from the doorway made everyone’s attention, beside James’, remove from Liliana towards the door. Andromeda stood near the door, wearing the same look of exhausted joy that Lily had earlier in the evening, softly smiling at the baby.

“Dora okay?” Remus questioned, his arms now unlaced from his boyfriend

Andromeda nodded, “She’s sleeping. Birth went well, I’ve got some potions ready to get her back to her normal self but they can wait until tomorrow”

“Come meet your Goddaughter” Lily smiled, James beckoning her over

“Did you say Leonis?” Andromeda remarked as she made her way across to the armchair, “For Reg?”

Sirius nodded, looking up at Remus with a smile, “He was good, he was brave” he sighed, “He should have been here”.

One day, Sirius would tell his daughter about her uncle who was no longer here. He would tell her that she should aspire to be like him, not in his dark ways but in his strength to always see the light; Sirius ran from the darkness, Regulus ran into it. He would tell her that if he could have one wish it would be that she could meet him, that Sirius could see his brother again, and tell him he only hoped he could have been half the man that he had become.

Before she had the chance to reply a small glow illuminated from the clock that sat upon the fireplace. The clock had been brought as a gift for Remus, from James and Lily, years ago when he had grown tired of constant clocks ticking. The clock was silent but glowed gold when a new month approached and just as midnight approached the pair were reminded of the factor they had completely by-passed until now. 

_The worst day of their lives had just became the best._

James flicked his head towards the clock on the wall, “Looks like we’ll be singing ‘Happy Birthday’ rather than toasting Fire Whiskey from now on”

Sirius smiled; the day had a new meaning now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who are wondering the Regulus connection, the Regulus star is also known as Alpha Leonis. The Regulus star is located at the bottom of the star pattern, that is shaped like a question mark (possibly a reflection of Regulus’ questioning the Dark Lord methods). Ancient Arab stargazers called Regulus by the name Qalb al-Asad (also sometimes called Cor Leonis) translating to Heart of the Lion which I believe symbolises quite nicely Regulus’ bravery – the lion being Gryffindor and bravery being one of their traits.


	4. Chapter Four.

_Five Weeks Old._

Remus took to Fatherhood much easier than his partner. It was not that Sirius was a bad parent, quite the opposite, it was that he did not know where he wanted his role to lie. Remus quickly realised he would be the Father that, eventually, Liliana would run to in future when she had scraped her knee and needed a spell to fix it or simply wanted something to eat. Sirius wished to be the Father who would swing her around upside down, picturing Remus cringing on the side lines, but he also wanted to be the one she would wake up when she had a bad dream and needed a cuddle. It would take him a few years to understand he could be both. 

The first month of their daughter’s life was hard. There had been so much help within the first few weeks that when everyone left, to return to their own lives, and it was just Sirius and Remus, with this tiny bundle of life, they found adjusting difficult. Their sleep schedule was practically non-existent, time to spend with just one another was even worse. Remus wished James and Lily had been harsher when sharing the truths about being parents.

It was around three in the morning when Remus had awoken to the cries of their daughter, a sound he was used to hearing now and one – though he would never say aloud – he loved to hear. He noted, looking at the clock on his bedside table, that they had fed her merely an hour ago so it must be attention that she craved. Their daughter seemed to love being in the company of her Father’s just as they did with hers, even at three in the morning. There had been a Full Moon days beforehand, so Remus was not surprised to notice that he had slept through her first batch of cries – no longer allowing himself the three days of rest bite he had after a Full Moon before her birth – or that the left side of the bed was empty. Sirius was already up, leaning over the crib in the corner of the room. Remus smiled softly, allowing himself a moment longer to memorise the image before he swung his legs over the side of the bed and making his way towards the pair. 

“I can’t do it” Sirius cried out as Remus approached him, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. Unlike Remus, Sirius could not stand the sound of their daughter crying, not understanding that often it was simple forms of communication rather than her being in any pain. “She stops crying when you pick her up, why is she crying? Here, take her”

“Calm down” Remus instructed pushing his hands out to stop Sirius placing Liliana in his arms, “She knows your stressed”

“Because she won’t stop crying!”

“Look” Remus spoke, lifting the blanket that his daughter was currently wrapped up in. Her grey eyes staring up, puffy and tearful. “She doesn’t understand yet, she can feel your anxious and it’s making her worried”

“That’s not her job, that’s my job” Sirius stated in apprehension as the tiny baby continued to cry out, “Our job” he corrected. Remus smiled.

Remus continued to reach his arm under Liliana, moving the blanket back with his other hand as he pushed his daughter further into Sirius’ bare chest. Sirius seem to relax slightly when his daughters head hit his bare chest, the warmth and slight tickle from her hair slowing down his racing heartbeat. At this Liliana’s cries seemed to die out, a soft gurgle taking their place as her eyes began to flutter close. 

“See, perfect” Remus praised, kissing Sirius softly on the forehead as he did, “Put her down and come back to bed”

“No” Sirius rejected, pulling Liliana further into his chest, “I want to enjoy this for a while, enjoy it with me”.

It was not until they were sat at the top of their bed against their headboard, Sirius cradling a sleeping Liliana in his arms, that Remus decided to bring it up. He smiled down at his daughter quickly, her hair was as thick as it had been when she born but her eyes seemed to lighten everyday slowly turning to a lighter grey. The pair wondered if they would ever reach blue.

“Are you okay?” Remus questioned, his fingers tracing patterns up and down Sirius’ arm

Sirius sighed, “There’s more important –“

“No” Remus cut him off immediately, “There is nothing more important to me than our daughter and you. If something is bothering you Pads you need to tell me, you cannot refuse help anymore not when she is here”

Sirius frowned as he took a look down at his daughter once again. Remus was right, he often was. 

“I think it’s time I see Lucy again”

Remus nodded, leaning his head against his shoulder, “I’ll send her an Owl in the morning”. 

*** 

Sirius thought his time seeing Lucy had finished. She had been the Muggle psychologist who was married to a Wizard Remus insisted he knew from their school days but Sirius could not put a face too. Then again, Azkaban had ruined a lot of memories he had of the happiest times of his life. He shook off the thought, he was rebuilding those memories now, replacing them with ones even more wonderous. He had been mistaken – of course – for now he was sat in her office in a chair far to big to be considered comfortable.

“Remus tells me you both recently became parents” Lucy smiled. She was a short woman with cropped red hair that seemed to change colour every time Sirius saw her – her husband was a hairdresser who liked to experiment – and had an eccentric fashion taste to match. Sirius always thought Marlene would have loved her. “Whilst congratulations are in order, I cannot say I am surprised that this has brought up these types of feelings”

Sirius snapped his head towards her, “You mean this is normal?”

“Why would it not be?”

“Because I should be happy” he stated, “She’s perfect, Remus is perfect, our life for once is actually perfect –”

“Sirius, you know as well as I that things are much more complicated than that” Lucy reminded him, “I am glad you came to see me today, you have not been in a while”

“I was doing okay” he told her truthfully, “Better than good. I didn’t feel the need to speak to anyone – until last night of course”

She nodded, “What happened last night Sirius?”

“Last night – or this morning, I can’t really tell anymore – I kinda freaked out” he sighed, “Remus is so much better with Liliana than I am. At first, I thought it was because of my shitty childhood but then I thought Remus had a shitty childhood too” he groaned, slapping his head back on the neck of the chair, “I’m not jealous of his parenting, seeing him with her creates a warmth inside of me I have never felt before, but last night I was so close to flipping. Remus said Liliana could sense that I was anxious” 

“Babies are interesting creatures” she remarked before looking up at him from her notes, “Does parenthood make you anxious?”

He shook his head, “Not until last night, m’angry too though”

“At who? Yourself or your daughter?”

“No, not her, never her” Sirius dismissed immediately, a sickness rising in his throat at the thought, “I think my parents”

“Tell me why you’re angry” Lucy requested

“I didn’t eat for three days when I first moved in with the Potter’s. Didn’t sleep or eat or speak, I was so scared of even moving out of place because I knew what would happen, well I knew what would happen at home” he responded, the memories surfacing in his mind like a bad dream, “It wasn’t until one night, I had been living there for about three months and I dropped a glass in the kitchen. Looking back now, it was an easy mistake to make, Dad had muttered a spell to clean it up before he even lifted his head up from the newspaper but I just froze in absolute fear” he sighed, “Passed out in the end, threw up when I woke up to everyone leaning over me – I think it was then the Potter’s realised just how bad things had been”

“Are you angry at the Potter’s?” she questioned

“Never been angry at them in my life, well besides when they died, I guess. I was angry they left” he shrugged, “I’m angry at the Black’s though, everything I ever did wrong they would punish, they would even find ways to punish me for things I did not do wrong. I was a child, how could they do that?”

“It seems like now you’re a Father yourself it had caused a part of your brain to almost regurgitate all those memories of your childhood” she informed him, her tone revealing like a diagnosis, “The ones you’ve kept hidden away for so long”

“I don’t want my daughter to be scared of me, ever” 

“Why do you think she is going to be scared of you?”

“Because I’m one of them” he spoke the truth that had been haunting him for a while now, “I’m a Black, the badness is in my blood”

“Remus told me you named your daughter after your best friend and your late brother” Lucy stated

“What are you trying to say?”

“I’m not saying anything Sirius” she disregarded, “I’m just reminding you that you named your daughter after your brother, who was also a Black. Blood does not define anything”.

***

It was a few hours that Sirius had been by gone when he made it back to the front of 12 Grimmuld Place. He gave himself a moment to wash his eyes over the house he had spent so much of his childhood trying to escape, a house that was once full of so much agony and disaster, was now one that he craved. He craved the love that was now pouring out of building, from every inch, and knowing that his boyfriend and daughter were just inside made him feel a type of eager he had never felt before.

The door opened moments later, James coming into view as it widened, and Sirius’ smile expanded even further when he realised the Potter’s were over. They had been dropping in as often as possible recently, offering aid wherever they could with Liliana. Sirius was transported back to therapy for a moment, taking in the words that Lucy had told him regarding Regulus. James was just as much of a brother as his blood was, the Potter’s taking him in and raising him as their own; he could not believe he had disregarded it for so long.

James, who was now stood glancing a concerned look in his direction, was taken aback when Sirius climbed the steps towards the house, pulling him directly into him arms in a tight hug. “You’re my brother, you know that right?” he told James pulling him close, “You know I love you more than life?”

“Yeah, mate, of course” James responded, pushing him away with an odd look in his eye, “You never used to get like this after therapy, you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m good” he replied and he meant it, letting out a breath of relief as the weight lifted off his shoulders and the world began to make sense again, “Just needed you to know that. Now, where’s my little one?”

As if Remus had heard his request, Sirius watched as his boyfriend exited the living room, the sight of their small daughter cradled in his arms. Sirius sighed in happiness – the world made sense. “Thought I heard you get back” Remus stated with a smile as Sirius made a direct line towards him, “How was everything?”

“Good” Sirius replied leaning up to peck Remus on the lips, “I’m going to go back to going once a week I think but things are making sense”

“Tell me about it later?” Remus asked noticing Sirius getting antsy, this being the worst time to have a deep, in depth chat, especially with the appointment only ending less than an hour ago

“Defiantly!” Sirius agreed before he held his arms out, “But right now I need her, please”.

Remus happily complied, passing their daughter into Sirius’ arms – who sighed contently after taking in her baby smell – and following him and James back into the living room to join Lily and Harry. It had taken Remus forty-five minutes to convince Sirius to go to his appointment this morning, not because Sirius had changed his mind about the help but more due to the fact he had no desire to leave Remus and their daughter. Remus understood, unsure 

himself just when he would be able to perform the task of leaving their daughter – leaving for the Full Moon was bad enough and Remus never even remembered the nights events – even if it was just for an hour. In that moment, Remus knew Sirius was the strongest man he’d ever met.

“You just missed Andi and Dora” Remus told him after Sirius had greeted Lily and Harry, joining him on the sofa to smile in admiration of their daughter

“How are they?” Sirius asked

“You wouldn’t have even guessed Dora had given birth just over a month ago” Lily laughed, “I’m slightly jealous, I could have used whatever potion Andi’s been feeding her”.

Before Sirius had the chance to reply, he felt the sofa dip from the side of him Remus was not sat, an excitable Harry bounding over and snuggling up to his arm. If you’d have told him years ago that he would not only have a daughter but an amazing, ever-growing, relationship with his Godson, he would have called you mad but that is exactly what life was now.

“Careful Harry” Lily warned softly as her son’s movements made the sofa rock slightly, “She’s only little”

“Can I hold her?” Harry requested staring down at Liliana, not asking any adult in particular, “Please, I’ll be gentle”.

Lily almost burst into tears when Sirius agreed, Remus carefully taking their daughter from his arms and placing her gently into Harry’s, manoeuvring himself next to the small boy so he could still take most of the hold of the baby, especially her head. Sirius, after Lily had fetched her camera and taken a dozen pictures of the four of them together, rose and joined James on the other side of the room as Lily continued her photography, of Harry and Liliana now.

“You’re my brother too, you know?” James told Sirius when he was in earshot, “I dunno what happened today but sounds like you need to hear it”

“It wasn’t so much about hearing it” Sirius replied truthfully, “More about understanding it myself, I’m still learning”

“Well, as long as you know I got you” James responded, “Always. We’re a family, all of us”

“I know”

James nodded as the pair continued to watch the scene unfold ahead of them, “Who would have ever thought” 

Sirius chuckled from the side of him, the two of them – who were thick-as-thieves in school always causing mischief – were now both parents, and Godparents, “I know. We really are the luckiest men in the world”.


End file.
